This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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