I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
