You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize