If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
