You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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