This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
