I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
