i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
