Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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