OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
