I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
