Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
