Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
