Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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