Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
