Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
