ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
