hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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