Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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