Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
