Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize