Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
