He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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