He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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