Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
