ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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