Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
