as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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