dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
