Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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