Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
