can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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