Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
