YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
