Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
