I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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