Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
