i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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