Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
