Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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