please come you make the beer taste better
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
