As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
