chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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