Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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