she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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