I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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