I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
