You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
