the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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