At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
