Swine flu. Run for my life!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
