ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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