I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
