i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I understand Curling. That high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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