end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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