Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
