Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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