dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just pee around me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
