Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
