3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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