so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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