Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
