I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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