I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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