I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
