I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
