now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
