I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
