Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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