I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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