My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
