Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
