ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
