Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
