Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
