He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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