Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
