I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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