They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize