Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
