great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
