last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
