so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
