Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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