I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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