I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
